Newfoundland Computer terms

 1. Log on - Make the wood stove hotter

 2. Log off - Don't add no more wood

 3. Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove

 4. Download - Getting the firewood off the truck

 5. Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood

 6. Ram - The thing that splits the firewood

 7. Hard Drive - Getting home in the winter

 8. Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter

 9. Window - What to shut when it's cold outside

 10. Screen - What to shut in black fly season

 11. Byte - What the black flies do

 12. Bit - What the black flies did

 13. Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season

 14. Chip - Munchies for TV

 15. Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips

 16. Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway

 17. Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

18. Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out

19. Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds

20. Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery

21. Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box

22. Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully

23. Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes

24. Web - What a spider makes

25. Web site - High corners of the ceiling

26. Cursor - Someone who swears

27. Search Engine - What you do when the car dies

28. Screen Saver - repair kit for the torn window screen

29. Home Page - map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost in the woods

 30. Upgrade - Steep hill

 31. Server - waitress

 32. Mail Server - male waitress, damn few in Newfoundland

 33. MS DOS - Some new disease they discovered

 34. Sound Card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it

 35. User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff

 36. Browser - A problem moose in the Garden or Blueberry Patch

 37. Network - Mending holes in the gillnet

 38. Internet - Complicated fish net repair method

 39. Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network

 40. Online - good sign there'll be clean clothes this week

 41. Off line - the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the ground--better luck next week